Sunday, December 30, 2012

I don't do resolutions but...

I haven't written a post in a while and since I've seen several Twitter friends post year-end blogs, I figured, "Why not?" I don't make resolutions but I do have goals for 2013. If I put them on a public forum, such as this blog, perhaps that will give me enough motivation to stick to it and accomplish my goals. ;) Right now, I'm planning to do everything in my power to accomplish these five things. Will you guys help me? :D 

1. Finish my dystopian novel and/or rewrite the sequel to A SCARRED MIND

I'm currently 42k words into my dystopian, tentatively titled 6744, and really, really want to finish it within the first few months of the year. I think it's my best work yet and I hope I do it justice. I'm determined to, actually. I also hope to rewrite the sequel to my thriller. I'd written 80k words of a sequel, but thanks to my awesome CP Mark, I now see the problems with the plot and hope to completely rework it. I'd also like to start another story about past lives, but I haven't fleshed out the idea enough yet to know when I can start it. I'm not that much of a planner. I've always been a pantser but now am thinking things go more smoothly when I at least write a rough synopsis. No outlines for me, thank you. I just can't do them. 

2. Find an agent I love who loves me ;) 
This was also my goal for 2012 but obviously it didn't happen. I wasn't ready. I thought I was but now I can see that I wasn't at all. I had a lot and I mean, A LOT to learn about agents and query letters and this entire writing business. I was so sure that A SCARRED MIND would get me an agent this year. I'm a believer in signs and I thought there were signs all over the place. Maybe there were, but I misinterpreted. I wish now that I had waited and fine tuned the manuscript more before I started querying. I began querying in January and I was nowhere near ready, as evidenced by form rejection after form rejection. I only got it the best I think it can be in November and that was thanks to my awesome CP's, who I didn't even know at the beginning of the year. My goal for 2012 should have been to get it query-ready and not be so gung-ho to query too quickly. Sigh. Well, at least I've learned that lesson, even if it was the hard way. So while I still hope to get an agent in 2013, I'm not so sure it will happen. I always believed A SCARRED MIND would be THE ONE but I don't know anymore. I have gotten a few full requests but all have ended in rejection, except one that is still with one of my (if not THE) top choices. I am still debating if I will continue to query ASM in 2013 or if I will shelve it or possibly *gulp* do another rewrite. I don't know if I have it in me. Maybe it will happen with the new manuscript, 6744, or something else entirely. But I'm not giving up. :D 

3. Get back into 2011 shape
I have really let my exercise and healthy eating fall by the wayside in 2012. I'm not proud of it, but I've been Ms. Excuses this year. I took up running but then it was too hot, then too cold and now I've been sick for the past three weeks. I don't want to keep making excuses in 2013. I want to get back to the shape I was in for the NKOTB Cruise in 2011. I'm envious of myself when I look back at the pictures. I wish that I was able to book the 2013 cruise because apparently I need something like that to motivate me. I tried to act as if I was going, but it didn't work because I know I'm not. I mean, look at me (on the right. BFF Angi on the left) I know some people thought I was too skinny but I was happy and in good shape. Posting a pic of how I look today is almost too demoralizing so I will just use this as my goal to get back there. I need to lose 15-20 pounds and be more toned. I will get there in 2013. Damn it. 

4. Meditate and do yoga more 
In other words, get more in touch with my spiritual side. I feel like I'm almost there but not quite. I had a very dark time a few months ago and I haven't quite gotten back to who I was before, when I almost had discovered my true self. I think I got scared. But truthfully, I feel much better about myself and happier when I am meditating and doing yoga. I just have to keep at it and be the best Amy I can be. :) I know I can do it and if I accomplish these last two goals, my self-confidence (which has always been on the low side) is bound to get stronger in all facets of my life. 

5. Become more financially stable 
I'm not going to get too personal here, but 2012 has not been a good year for me overall. I took a trip I shouldn't have but I will never regret it because it is my best memory of the year. The expenses of that trip have screwed things up for the rest of the year and now I'm no longer okay living on the monthly check I get. Moving into our house didn't help that situation either, but I thank God every day we no longer have to live in the crappy apartment we had. So my hope for 2013 is that I will find a new job, hopefully one I actually like, and get my finances straightened out. It sucks to think once I find a job, I probably won't see my daughter as much or be here when she gets home from school, but I have faith I will find what I need and we'll make things work. And hopefully, I will still have lots of time to write. :) 

I wish I had written one of these blog posts at the end of 2011 because it was thus far the best year of my life. 2012 was...not. ;) But I do have some awesome memories from this year. I'm glad the world didn't end and I have very high hopes for 2013. Not just for writing and getting in shape, but I hope I'm able to go on a couple trips to see my girls and our boys. Those are a big part of what made 2011 so amazing. With the promise of a new album from NKOTB, hopefully we can make that happen. :D I look forward to many music-filled, writing spree, exercising, spiritually fulfilling days. Bring it, 2013!! 

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