Sunday, March 17, 2013

Pitch Madness

Long time, no blog! I have been busy rewriting and editing. I've thought about blogging several times but haven't actually done it until now (obvs). In a last minute decision, I decided to participate in Pitch Madness on Friday. I actually hadn't made up my mind until Thursday and brainstormed with my AWESOME CP's to come up with what I hoped was a kick-ass pitch. My reasons for uncertainty were that 1) I just finished a massive complete rewrite last week; 2) I suck at pitches; 3) Insecurity. But finally, I decided to get it together and just do it. I'm so glad I did! :) These contests are stressful but a lot of fun. In case you don't know what it is, check out the details here. Brenda Drake is an incredible person for doing all these contests, by the way. Love her!! 

Anyway, here is my pitch for your perusal. I'm anxious to hear everyone's feedback. :) 

Title: A SCARRED MIND

Genre: Adult Thriller

Word count: 79000

Pitch: Closeted psychic Jake uses his gift for things like spoiling reality shows for his wife. Once he’s foreseen a brutal murder, he must expose his secret to stop a killer, even if it ruins him.

First 250 words:
Tears left tracks through her flawless makeup as the woman cowered against the wall in a dingy, dark room. Hands bound behind her, her voice hiccupped as she sobbed. “Please. Don’t do this. Please.”

The light of a bare bulb gleamed off the blade of a chef’s knife as the man advanced toward her. She collapsed into ear-splitting screams, barely able to catch her breath as she attempted to scurry away. The knife ripped into her upper chest and then hacked into the left side of her neck.

“Sir? Are you okay?”

The teller’s voice brought Jake sharply back to the reality of the bank. She paused, half of the bills still in hand, the other half neatly stacked in front of her.

“Oh shit,” he blurted and gripped the edge of the counter. The color drained from his face and nausea tickled the insides of his mouth. Don’t puke, he thought. That won’t save her.

He looked up at the teller, the woman he’d seen stabbed to death, and opened his mouth in an attempt to explain but the words caught in his throat. What was he supposed to say? Definitely not “I’m sorry for my profanity, ma’am. I just had a vision in which you were viciously murdered by a scarred dude with a kitchen knife.”

He must’ve seemed like a nut, standing there, gaping at her.

She stared back at him with a tight-lipped I’m waiting expression. Why would anyone want to kill her in such a horrific manner? 

15 comments:

  1. You know I love it, wombie!!! I foresee great things!!! #TeamGeorge ;)

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  2. I tripped a little over the word "closeted" but it might have just been me. Other wise the pitch was fantastic. I love when it tells the story and still has great voice. Interesting story!

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  3. Thanks! :) I'm glad you liked it. I wondered about "closeted" being weird wording but I liked it so much I just went with it. May change in the future.

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  4. I really, really liked your first 250. You definitely pulled us right into the action. I agree with the comment earlier about the word 'closeted'. But the voice in the pitch and the excerpt pulled me in. Best of luck

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  5. Keep in mind I'm a lowly slush pile gal, but I like your pitch and the opening.

    As opposed to the other readers, I thing closeted is a great word. I think it connotes self-protection against scrutiny and the hope to prevent being identified by a single characteristic. Still, if the majority of people stumble, it's problematic.

    I'd like the opening to start with what's normal about the MC. Opening with a vision can be difficult, I think, because the reader becomes invested in what's happening only to find out they were invested in a shadow. Perhaps there's a way to show us the MC's gift/curse in a humorous or everyday manner so that we invest immediately in the MC. Since I don't yet know the MC or the woman in the vision, I'm not as emotionally invested as I could be.

    This is a great premise, and I wish you every good thing for your endeavors.

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  6. Oh, Amy, I love it! Best of luck with the competition xox
    Ps I don't mind the word closeted!
    Jen xox

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    1. Jen!! :) Thank you. I'm glad you like it. Haven't talked to you in a while - hope you're doing well. xoxo

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  7. Thanks everyone for your comments & suggestions. I actually used to start the book with more about Jake but CP's suggested I start it with the vision and most have agreed it works better that way. I guess I will see how more people feel about it. I really appreciate all the feedback. :)

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  8. YOU ROCK!

    I just know you made it to round two. Crosses fingers, toes, eyes...and...erm...other stuff.

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    1. Thanks Marky Mark (I can't stop now. The seed's been planted) :) I did make it to round two! Yay!! Hope you did too. Thanks for all that crossing. ;)

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  9. So intriguing! Good luck! :)

    @caitlinsineadj

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    1. Thank you! :) And thanks for reading & commenting. Good luck to you, too!

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  10. This is an awesome pitch and the first 250 - Sheesh! I'm gonna have nightmares! Pulled me right in. Way to go!

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    1. Yay! Thank you, Wendy. :) Well, I'm not glad you're going to have nightmares but I'm very glad you liked it. Thanks for reading!

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